Whatever Happened To That 2001 Valentine's Day Slasher Horror Film, Valentine? {Horror Movie Review}

This blog was previously published on Xanga February 13, 2013.

 

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'Tis that time of season for eternal bachelors and bachelorettes like myself to dread the most. You guessed it, Valentine's Day. I hate Valentine's Day.

In fact, why haven't there been MORE  Slasher Horror films made about this particular holiday over the last 1/2 century?

Since I am currently in the middle of writing a Valentine's Day Revenge Horror Story, I handwrote a few side notes for it yesterday.

Speaking of that holiday about LOVE, I managed to YouTube a review about the Slasher Horror film, Valentine. Valentine was a Valentine's Day Slasher, which released 4 months  before my high school graduation in 2001. 

I remember hearing a few radio advertisements for Valentine compared to commercials for it on TV; Most channels barely advertised this Slasher. 

                                                   Valentine Trailer (2001) 

  

Before watching Valentine earlier this morning, I watched a YouTube vlogger's review for it. The review was a nearly 50-minute rant by some angry man-child. He wasted more time ranting about how the beginning spoiled the entire plot of the Slasher than reviewing it.

Even though Denise Richards and the rest of the actresses played as villains in Valentine, the YouTube vlogger kept calling them misogynistic slurs as if they personally hurt him, ranted about there not being enough sex and nudity in it, and just kept ranting. 

The Youtube vlogger seriously annoyed me yet he did make SOME valid points about Valentine being a bad Slasher Horror film. Because he threw a royal temper tantrum about Valentine, I chose to YouTube it for myself out of curiosity.

Yes, it was indeed a total failbag for what was supposed to have been a Slasher Horror but it did have the potential to be decent. Valentine was definitely more like a Valentine's Day Slasher Horror gone wrong. 

For what was supposed to have been a Valentine's Day Slasher Horror, it appeared more like a Slasher Horror Spoof. There was nothing terrifying about the movie. 

Gremlins was more horrifying than Valentine. The contrived acting from the actresses' was hilarious. Their acting for Valentine was just as contrived as a CBS Soap Opera. 

Every time there was a murder scene, I couldn't help laughing my ass off. If I had any stitches, I would've popped every stitch from laughing so hard at that movie.

Valentine was a joke. Well, at least the bad acting provided me with lots of laughter. I mean, Twilight couldn't even do that for me. Now, that movie put me to sleep. Hmm... Maybe I should buy Twilight and use it as a sleeping aid. Well, I digress.

As I was saying, it was very hard to sympathize and empathize with the most of the characters in Valentine, which was understandable. It's a Slasher about a former nerd seeking vengeance on evil girls. That's something the vlogger didn't seem to grasp. 

He kept ranting about how horrible the female characters were in Valentine. That was the entire purpose. The girls were childhood bullies.

The girls attended their 6th grade Valentine's Day Dance and treated the former nerd (mostly played by David Boreanaz) horribly. The girl, who was originally fat (Dorothy), gave Jeremy a pity kiss under the bleachers. Then, the bullies began spying on them. 

Once the bullies saw Dorothy and Jeremy kissing, they started taunting them. This led to Dorothy slandering Jeremy by accusing him of sexual assault. Because of her allegations, he was beaten by the bullies. Jeremy was later placed into a reform school.

There were foreshadowings of comeuppance; All the evil girls, who rejected Jeremy at the Valentine's Day Dance, would receive horrible Valentine's Day gifts and brutal deaths. 

13 years later in Valentine, Jeremy didn't resemble the same boy from 6th grade. He even changed his name. Therefore, neither of those girls recognized him as adults. Once Jeremy swore vengeance, most of their deaths were highly significant.

All of the bullies were sent Valentine's Day Cards with disturbing messages in them and their deaths reflected what they said to Jeremy in the past. 

1) Katherine Heigl's character was a coroner. She said to Jeremy years ago, "In your dreams." He slit her throat and she died, while hiding in a body bag. 

2) The girl, who said "Eeew!" to Jeremy received a box of Chocolates with maggots crawling out. Her corpse was later thrown into a dumpster. 

3) The slutty friend (played by Denise Richards) told him in the past, that she "would rather be boiled alive." This resulted in her being electrocuted in a hot tub.

4) Dorothy (she lost weight years after slandering Jeremy for supposedly "sexually assaulting" her) was later framed near the end of Valentine.

While serial killing his bullies, Jeremy slandered Dorothy. He made another friend of hers, who he was currently dating, believe that Dorothy was behind all their friends' murders. 

This was after Jeremy killed Dorothy. The last girl's life was spared because she was the ONLY girl out their entire clique, who was never cruel to him in 6th grade. 

Little did she and all her evil friends know, that Jeremy was her recovering alcoholic boyfriend, at the second. Jeremy posed under the name, "Adam."

David Boreanaz and the Valentine Soundtrack were the best parts about this Valentine's Day Slasher Horror. 

Like I already said, Valentine had the potential to be a decent Valentine's Day Slasher. Had Valentine been a novel, novella, or a short story, it could've been a lot better. 

Valentine probably would've been much better on paper and bound to a book rather than acted out on a TV show or a movie.

I reiterate, watching Valentine felt too much like a Slasher Horror Spoof, if not a contrived Soap Opera with horrible acting.

Anyway, if you want to watch Valentine, don't waste your money renting it. You can easily YouTube it for free. 

In the meantime, I might watch the original version of My Bloody Valentine for Valentine's Day.  Since I'm not in a relationship with a hunk, what do I have to lose on Valentine's Day? Besides, I already have Valentine's Day cupcakes to enjoy.

What About My Writing And How To Handle Writer's Block?

This blog was previously published blog on Xanga February 5, 2013. 

 

Hey everybody! About 2 nights ago, I went onto a friend's page and I learned, that she was experiencing writer's block. I will re-state what I said to her the other night.

Every writer experiences writer's block, including myself. We're not always motivated or inspired to write anything at the time. I have not written another short story in several months because I am really focused on job hunting, along with stress from other issues.

Usually, I write New Adult Psychological Horror and Psychological Thriller with elements of Semi-Fiction. In order to resonate with my readers, I will insert certain pieces of my life and write short stories about them.

I give the characters names and make them as relatable as possible. Some twists will be added to the stories and certain characters. An idea will usually pop into my head, which will soon become my next story.

If it helps some writers, you can also write a short note, which can summarize what you intend on writing. When you do start writing, you will already have an idea about how to progress. That is basically what I do.

When ideas are actually "flowing from the pen," I can write a 10-page short story within a few hours. My chapbook has yet to be published or "self- published."

As said earlier, my work can be considered New Adult Short Realistic Fiction, Semi-Fiction, Short Psychological Horror, and Psychological Thriller. Morally depraved and comeuppance themes, which includes some negative stereotypes, misogyny, revenge, self-respect, and lack thereof can be found in some of my stories.

Because a nice portion of the characters in my stories are morally depraved, a published poet, who was my Creative Writing Professor at Carthage College once said, "You have a lot of horrible people in your stories." We both had a good laugh at what he said.

People can be horrible, if not morally depraved. That's the harsh reality, especially when it comes to American society.

Whether we are watching local, national, or world news, use the Internet, or step outside our homes onto the streets, cruel, cunning, misogynistic, and sociopathic people really do exist.

Not to sound arrogant, but after meeting people from all walks of life, I have met and endured my fair share of depraved and highly dysfunctional people. Because of those people, they help give writers like myself extra writing material.

Most critics always feel the need to say, that I have a "very morbid and pessimistic outlook on life." Those same critics labeling me as being "morbid" and "pessimistic," typically love to project because they think they are shrinks and enjoy living in denial about the truth.

Some of those same people have a tendency to believe, that everyone is his/her "friend" or happen to be naive to the fact, that not everything in life is all bunnies and sunshine.

The moment something terrible happens to them in their lives, regardless if it is something so trivial or tragic, they can't handle it. 

They lose their minds, commit suicide, become extremely defensive with entitlement, or happen to be in constant fear of Doomsday on a daily basis.

The horror of it all is too overwhelming for such delusional and highly judgmental people living in denial to fathom.

From my perspective, my so-called "pessimism" has made me a stronger person. Then again, I am also a "depressive realist."

I was forced to overcome adversities such as crises, health scares, tragedies, traumas, etc. that the average person may never have to experience and overcome, not always getting my way in life is something expected. Adversity is my life.

Some of these issues that I, as well as others have had to endure are generally the driving forces behind my writing.

Writing poetry was for my own catharsis. Meanwhile, writing short stories always allowed my imagination to run wild.

Hopefully what was shared in today's blog helps some of you, in case you are experiencing any writer's block.

With that being said, let me know what you think about my suggestions!

Chiller TV Or Not So "Chiller TV"?

 This blog was originally published on Xanga February 3, 2013.

Chiller TV or not so "Chiller TV"? 

That is the question I have been asking myself for a while. Originally, I started watching Chiller TV for Horror Anime such as Descendants of Darkness (Yami no Matsuei) and Tokko.

Considering that Chiller TV is Syfy's sister channel, I should've known the network was going to be a disappointment. Once it turns March 1st next month, it will be 6 YEARS, since Chiller was launched. After 6 years, some of us Horror fans already lost interest.

Chiller TV looks like a network that was only launched 5 minutes ago. Most of its programming consists of censored Horror Movies and TV shows in syndication.  

NOTHING about the network "chills" me to the bone. I have watched movie trailers both old and new, as well as movies on other networks with more frightening scenes than what is being aired on Chiller. Is that pathetic or what?

NBC Universal owns Chiller TV AND Syfy. Both have phenomenal special effects used in their commercials to help promote each network. yet their content is like eating a Shit Sandwich.

Sometimes, I watched Chiller TV to help me fall asleep in the morning because I have Chronic Insomnia.

Does anybody other than myself find that last statement to be somewhat abnormal?

Horror was NOT  meant to be used as a sleeping aid. It is meant to frighten its audience to the extent, that we are too scared to sleep for days, not bore us to sleep. I understand that Chiller TV is supposed to be low budget.

If NBC Universal is advertising Chiller TV and Syfy, the quality of programming should be much better than they are on both networks. 

Maybe LESS time and money should be spent on their promos and MORE time and money should be spent on their content.

Chiller TV should NOT  repeatedly marathon the same shows everyday, while occasionally airing new Horror countdowns and documentaries like some fine china. 

It would not be so bad, if Chiller left every syndicated movie and TV show UNCENSORED.

Horror is not meant to be censored. If Chiller TV is supposed to be attracting Horror fans, the network is doing a poor job of it.

When it comes to airing content, Chiller TV should be a premium channel like HBO, Starz, Encore, etc; Chiller TV should be an UNCENSORED Horror network, that can be watched on basic or premium cable and satellite packages.

By Chiller not being included on Time Warner's basic cable package, its viewership is extremely niche. Only those with Direct TV and Dish Network can watch Chiller. 

Coming from a Horror fan and author, Chiller TV is disappointing. When I see a channel for Horror fans, I expect to watch independent, mainstream, and banned movies that were too controversial to be released in movie theaters.

At the rate Chiller TV is going, the network would be better off airing R.L. Stine's Goosebumps TV series from the mid-90's, which used to air on Nickelodeon.

Don't get me wrong, I do NOT  hate R.L. Stine's novels. He's like the Stephen King for pre-teens and younger. Also, I find Stine's novels more entertaining than King's.

However, I like movies based on Stephen King's novels better than movie's based on R.L. Stine's.

Anyway, with decades worth of Horror movies, Chiller TV could air so many of them throughout the hours. 

Instead, the network's programmers choose to air censored, syndicated shows from over 10 to 30 years ago. Follow those same shows up with films, which have terrible script writing and talentless, unknown actors we don't care about watching.

If NBC Universal and Chiller TV want to maintain their viewers and attract more fans, they should modify the network's programming. Chiller's programming is barely worth watching, most of the time. I occasionally watch the channel for their documentaries.

Chiller TV's programming is starting to mimic music channels. Just like MTV and VH-1 spend most of their time discussing music videos from the last 10 to 30 years, Chiller mostly wastes time discussing Horror films throughout the decades.

That is when the network OCCASIONALLY decides to air a new Horror documentary.

For the love of God, Chiller TV, please air uncensored Horror and NOT  "child-friendly" content. STOP discussing Horror and START showing it. Be like Nike and "Just DO it," already! 

Trust me, your ratings would probably soar, if you actually aired something, that Horror fans WANT  to watch.

Do you agree or disagree? Let me know what you think!

Happy 48th Birthday To The Late Brandon Lee!

This blog was originally published on Xanga February 1, 2013. 

Brandon Lee (February 1, 1965 – March 31, 1993)

 

Today, had Brandon Lee, Bruce Lee's son lived, he would've turned 48 years old. It would not surprise me, if Brandon was spinning in his grave right now, while asking, "Has it already been 20 years, since the time I was killed?" 

Technically, the end of March will officially make it 20 years, since the time Brandon Lee died making The Crow.

According to The Crow's comic book author, James O'Barr, the production was low budget. Both the comic book and the movie were set in Detroit, MI. However, the movie production was shot in North Carolina. I assume that North Carolina was the only convenient state, that they could shoot The Crow 1.

At his own comic book panel filled with fans, the author also said that he read Brandon's autopsy report. There were no licensed gun professionals working on the set and the crew consisted of electricians handling the props on The Crow set. He referred to them as being "hill billies."

Supposedly, when everyone would go home for the night, the electricians would sneak out the guns (which were supposed to stay on the set) to go shooting with them. Then, the electricians would sneak the guns back onto The Crow set.

The moment Michael Massee (who played the character, "Funboy") was in the middle of filming his scene with Brandon Lee, Massee shot his gun not knowing that it was loaded with REAL bullets and ACCIDENTALLY killed Lee. No one expected the guns to be loaded with real bullets.

Let's all thank those hill billy electricians for feeling the sudden urge to sneak in and out guns, that were supposed to stay on The Crow set. Thanks to them, Brandon lost his life. 

Everyone including James O'Barr, Michael Massee, Ernie Hudson, etc. had to cope with trauma and survivor's guilt. 

Those "hill billy electricians" not only killed an actor before he could reach his pinnacle, but also damaged and traumatized other actors to the extent that they quit acting for years.

Luckily, I managed to watch some of Brandon Lee's other movies. They were released, before The Crow. Even though I was only 10 1/2 years old, when Brandon Lee died, I did manage to watch some of his older movies, after I became a teenager.

I already watched him in Legacy Of Rage, Showdown In Little Tokyo, Rapid Fire, and The Crow. People may argue that his acting skills were "mediocre." However, I loved Brandon because he was a Martial Artist with intelligence and sarcastic humor.

In addition, the Chinese American actor was an Aquarius. Therefore, Brandon was bound to be sarcastically humorous and intelligent.

If we were to speak in Anime Otaku/Fangirl terms, Brandon Lee would be my so-called "dead husbando."

I don't know what it is about my sister sign, Aquarius (I'm an Aquarian Gemini, which makes me a double air sign). There's just something about Aquarian men that usually make me want to sit and listen to them talk for HOURS. 

Listening to extremely talented, cultured, intelligent, and hilarious Aquarian men makes me scream in the back of my mind, "OOH, BRAINS! MORE FUCKING BRAINS!!!"

Please forgive me for my ghoulish, impure thoughts. You're probably imagining me as a mad scientist or a ghoul feasting on an Aquarian man's brains, as you read this blog. I can't help it. Aquarian men tend to fascinate me.

As I was saying... The Crow was and still is Brandon Lee's best movie, years later. Lee playing a brutally attacked and murdered protagonist, while literally dying during the making of The Crow, added extreme impact to the film and its sales. His tragic death imitated art.

I believe that Bruce and Brandon Lee somewhat helped pave the way for other Asian American Actors today. If we look back 10-20 years ago, there weren't as many Asian American Actors on American TV as there are now.

I believe society has become a little more diversified, cultured, and accepting towards Asians. There will always be ignorami, who are racist towards them.

At the same time, I believe more Americans, including those in Hollywood, have come a long way compared to decades ago. 

The following is a video of Brandon Lee's interview with former Late Night Host, Jay Leno discussing Rapid Fire:

Brandon Lee's Interview With Jay Leno (1992)

RIP Brandon Lee!